I don't exactly know why I'm back here or how long I'll stay. I guess we'll see. Well one reason I'm here was I remembered it existed and had pictures of me along with my brutally honest thoughts and status of my life. Well, I have a real job now and I don't need the people I work with to come across this. I realized that could happen when I gave out my email address which is the same name as this account and a google search on that address brings up this journal. Ehh, whatever.
So my last post was about me being a functional addict. That may have been a bit exaggerated. I've cut back on my drug use significantly and notice no adverse effects nor do I really crave anything. I'm not really an addictive person anyway and my cutting back really wasn't a conscious decision; it was mostly just the way things happened.
I'm not partying much any more and don't really want to. I think I was over it in the beginning of the year but I held on for too long after it all was no longer interesting which made it suck more and more. I kept trying to recreate my excitement and never succeeded. Right now I'm boring which is fine with me.
The whole thing with the dancer is kinda fucked. At least right now. Its not working out. He still lives with me and that just makes it more fucked. I don't know how much longer that's going to last. I do feel like I have some sort of commitment to him since I offered for him to live with me and without that he couldn't realistically come to San Francisco to dance and if I kick him out he'd be utterly fucked. But still... If things don't get any better before Christmas break I'm gonna let him know he'll need to figure something else out and give him some time to do that.
We went to Amsterdam last week for the Thanksgiving break. About an hour into the vacation he got really weird and persisted throughout the week. One day, we were supposed to go to The Hague so he could meet with a dance company and workout with them; kind of a first step to potentially joining the company in a year or two. He set up a time to do that and I planned out how to get there. I've been to The Netherlands many many times and I know how to get around. It was his first time. On the day we were to go he kept second guessing me about the timing, thinking we had more time than we had and kept dragging his feet and we got to the train station late and missed the last train that would have gotten us there in time. I tried to tell him we were going to be late but he ignored me until we really were too late then he freaked out and became totally irrational. We spent that day pissed off at each other. That day really soured me on him. The whole trip soured me on him. I dunno.
Anyway, so I guess I'll keep this up for a while. I'm kinda boring at the moment but whatever.